Being a Dad

Two reasons for my post today:

1. Last nights training
2. Learning to be a Dad

Number 1 is the easy one, so I will start with that.  After work yesterday I was not in the best of moods, I don't know why, maybe it was the traffic coming home, maybe it was my frustration with myself and my inability to do my job well.  Whatever it was, I was not in the best of spirits.  When I got home I was happy to see my family, but I still wasn't feeling great.  My wife made a great dinner, the girls were good.  I had asked my wife if she would be able to drop me off at the pool around 7:00PM tonight so that I could get a swim in and then just run home afterwards; thankfully she agreed. 

So after filling my stomach with spaghetti, sausage and bread....oh, and also hanging a canopy over my younger daughters bed, it was off to the pool to get my swim on.  I was really tired (and still am) and my swim reflected it.  I did a solid 300yd warm up, followed by 4x100yd of drills and then 4x200yds w/45 sec rest.  I had hoped to get in around 2,000yds, but only managed 1,500yds.  Unfortunately I just ran out of time and needed to be heading home by 8:15PM.  The run home started slow, really slow!  It is a little over 4 mostly uphill miles to run from the pool back to my house.  My pace reflected that: Mile 1 - 8:51, Mile 2 - 8:41, Mile 3 - 8:33, Mile 4 - 8:15.  I had some issues with my breathing for the first two miles or so which made the run harder than it should have been.  I have exercise-induced asthma which hits me really hard when it is hot and humid out, thus why I had problems last night.  The fact that I forgot to take some shots off my inhaler didn't help either, nor the fact that I haven't taken my allergy medicine for five days.  STUPID!

All in all it was a pretty good day of training, not the long swim that I wanted, but it will have to do.

Now for Number 2 - Learning to be a Dad, something that I struggle with every day.  For the most part I think I am a pretty good Dad, not great, but good.  I like to think that I am very involved in my daughters lives, whether it be sports (soccer, lacrosse, etc.), dance (my daughters recitals), or just every day life (coaching their teams, playing with them in the pool/beach).  I am there biggest fan/cheerleader (although my wife would argue that she is, not that I would disagree) and want nothing but the greatest successes for them in whatever they do.  Now with all of that said, I am failing at a number of other things, primarily just general communication with my oldest daughter.  She is a great kid, she really is.  She can be the most thoughtful and caring child, she can be the best helper, she wants nothing more than to make everyone happy and to laugh.  She is so much like my wife and I that it is scary - she is stubborn like we are and also very strong willed.  Both traits are good to have, but can be a curse as well.

Now with the good sometimes come there bad.  There are times when she does things that just don't make sense to me.  For example, last night at dinner, while trying to eat spaghetti, she used her fork to move the pasta to her mouth then proceeded to use her other hand to shove it all in.  It was a bit gross watching her shovel the pasta down her gullet like an infant eating solid food for the first time.  I told her that we don't eat food like that, we use forks, and that is that (the tone I used was too stern for the infraction).  But it isn't just that, there are just things that she does that drive me nuts, like not cleaning up toys when done playing with them, then hemming and hawing when asked to; chewing with her mouth open like a cow; talking back to my wife and I in a very "fresh" manner, etc.  I guess what I have described is pretty much every eight year old child, right?

Here is where I am failing "Daddy 101", I don't know how to communicate with her effectively so that we can correct these things.  It is obvious that what I am doing/saying is not right because it just isn't working and I am kind of pushing her away.  My wife has told me that I need to change the way I talk to her so that she doesn't "tune me out".  That is easier said than done, especially when I think about how my parents dealt with me when I was her age (or at least how I recall they dealt with me...a hand to my bottom was always looming).  What I know about my daughter is that she thrives on positive feedback and praise.  Knowing that, how should I correct a bad habit/manner when it is happening?  How does the praise come into play?  I guess I have to be more mindful of how I talk to her, in the tone that I speak and not nit pick every little thing (like I know I do....and am told by others).

It is said that when you want to get a drives license you need to take classes and pass a test, but the same can not be said for raising a child.  There are no classes and not test to pass.  "Congrats on your new baby....good luck over the next 18 years, I hope you figure it all out."  I know that every child is different (my two are very different), so it is important to treat them as unique individuals.  That also means that they need to be taught, corrected, disciplined and rewarded differently as well.  I don't know where I am going with this at this point, I guess I just needed to put it out there for me to read over and contemplate.  With triathlon or any sport for that matter, It is easy to become better by training harder/smarter/faster.  But to become a better father, well, it isn't so easy.  I guess admitting that you have faults and trying to correct them is the first step.  I better figure it out sooner otherwise the potential divide between my daugher and I will only get bigger.  Ciao.